Life Is Not All About You...You Make It Worse That Way
One person once said, “No one listens unless it is that person’s turn next.” Funny but true. We are so selfish. Writing that stings. I see it in myself. I see it in others. We are so selfish.
Solomon was onto something in Ecclesiastes 4:7-12 when he wrote:
Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business. Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Solomon’s point here is that “two are better than one”. It’s that simple. Yet, to our own destruction we seek to make our lives all about us. Since Eve took the fruit and turned to give it to Adam, we also began to believe the lie that we too could become God (Genesis 3). We are cursed with an obsession of self. It kills our relationship with God and others.
Matthew Henry comments very well on this text:
Selfishness is the cause of this evil: There is one alone, that minds none but himself, care for nobody; there is not a second, nor does he desire there should be: one mouth he thinks enough in a house. He makes himself a slave to his business. Though he has neither child nor brother, none to take care of but himself, nor dares he marry, for fear of the expense of a family, yet is there no end to his labour.
This is strikingly modern though it was written around 400 years ago. We hear so often how people don’t want to get married, have kids, or raise a family because of their careers, supposed financial strain, or the opportunities it might take away. We have an idolatry of self and we don’t want anyone to get in the way of that.
Solomon had everything. He had a career, wealth, women, respect, wisdom, and everything the world admires. It was amidst having everything that he sensed he had nothing. This is why he says, “Two are better than one.”
The Cure
Matthew Henry goes on to discuss what the cure is for the evil of selfishness:
Sociableness is the cure of this evil. Men are thus sordid because they are all for themselves. Solomon shows, by divers instances, that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18); he designs to recommend to us both marriage and friendship.
How do we combat against selfishness?
Learn to say “we” more than “me”.
Don’t just tell others about what’s happening in your life. Ask others what’s happening in their lives.
Listen to others when they tell you that you’re wrong. Listen to them when they say that your reaction to something was wrong. Listen to them when they tell you that you sinned.
Learn to make “we” decisions more than “me” decisions.
Schedule time in your week to be with people. Don’t just be with people because of your job. Be with people when you can talk about life.
Share your wealth, talent, skills, protection, materials, opportunities, and joys with others.
Ultimately, the only cure for selfishness is a the miracle of grace. This is what Paul’s getting at in Philippians 2:1-11
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Notice that the call for humility (aka “self-forgetfulness”) is followed up by a massive declaration of Christ. The reason why we are so selfish is because our view of Christ is so low. We must see that Someone is greater than us. We are not God—and that’s good! It’s far better for us when we admit and live like we’re not God. But, that’s not the only truth. The other part is to live like God is God.
This is who our Lord is—God in our flesh. And even though He is God, He humbled Himself by coming down to us in order that He might exalt us.
The true answer to selfishness is not Law but Grace. It is not “do” but “done”. When we put “do” before “done” then it’ll never get done. But, when we put “done” before “do” then not only is it done but then we have the power to do. The rhythm of repenting from selfishness is:
See who God is in all His glory.
Be crushed by the Law of God that reveals the glory of God and your sin.
Stand amazed at the gospel of grace that shows Christ fulfilling the Law for us who never could, dying for law-breakers who deserve the wrath of God, and rising for our justification and sanctification.
Fly to Jesus alone for your refuge and salvation.
Believe in the forgiveness of all your sins (past, present, and future), the thorough cleansing through the blood of Christ, and the righteousness of Christ given permanently to you.
Through union with Christ, embrace God’s Law as Guide to working out your love for God.
Pursue the means of grace (Word, Prayer, and Sacraments in the covenant community) in order to grow in knowing God and loving others.
Repeat steps 1-7.