Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
One pastor summarizes the storyline of a great “mini movie” that came out several years ago: “In 2014, there was a short film released called The Feast. The story is told entirely through the eyes of a dog. In the beginning he is homeless and scrounging through trash desperate to find food, when a man finds him and takes him home. He is so happy to have a meal that he devours a bowl of dog food. The man begins to feed the dog table scraps like bacon, eggs, and ice cream, to the point that the pup becomes dissatisfied with regular dog food. Then the man falls in love with a woman, and they begin to eat healthy and feed the dog only dog food. The dog loved the scraps and no longer wants just dog food. But when the man and the woman break up, the man begins to gorge himself on junk food that he also feeds to the dog. Despite that he now has the food he loves, the dog knows that his owner is miserable. He orchestrates a reunion with the ex-girlfriend, and eventually the couple gets married. Now, the dog loves living in a happy home where he contentedly eats his bowl of dog food.”
Why do we like stories like this?
We know that two are better than one. In the context of these verses in Ecclesiastes, Solomon is talking about the difference between the selfish life and the selfless life. The selfish life is more focused on “me” rather than “we”. The selfish life is not only the foolish life but also the sinful life. This is why he says “two are better than one”.
Marriage is one of the best ways for us to learn this important life lesson. God instituted marriage to be a covenant relationship between one man and one woman. Marriage is where two people learn to say “we” more than “me”. This is very different from what the world is promoting today.
Popular culture is often telling us that life is all about me and I should do whatever it takes to make things orbit around me. We are to be the center of our own universe. In this way of thinking, life is all about my personal experiences, my story, my career, and my legacy. God tells us that this is a foolish way to live. The wise way is that “two are better than one”.
Three Lessons
There are three quick lessons I want to point out from this text.
First, as mentioned earlier, you must learn to say “we” more than “me”. Because of this marriage you are both having a change in your identity by your union with each other. From now on, you must adopt the motto of thinking “we” more than “me”. In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve believed the lie that they could be God. They wanted life to be about them rather than God. The definition of sin is that instead of honoring God as God, we honor ourselves as if we were God (Rom 1:21). This is why Jesus had to come save us.
By grace alone, God the Son took on flesh so that He might be God and Man in one Person. By the Son of God becoming Man, He was declaring that He desired to say “we” and not just “me”. How do we see this? Because in His one Person He joined us with Himself. And when Jesus was on earth He lived a perfect life of obedience — not just for Himself, but for His people! He then went to the Cross where He took the wrath of God that His people duly deserved. He desired that His people receive grace while He received wrath.
But, not only did He die but He also rose for us. He not only rose but He ascended into Heaven where He represents us! And not only does He represent us but He is coming back again for us! In other words, Jesus is all about “we” and not just “me”. And as you keep your eyes on this Jesus, you will learn to say “we” and not just “me”. All your decisions, your identity & purpose, your interests, hobbies, finances, bodies, and careers. All of these and more are no longer primarily about “me” but “we”. You are telling everyone from now on: “If you want to know me then you also need to know my spouse.”
Here is the second lesson: Because there are two of you, when one of you falls the other is there to pick you up. This is what Solomon speaks of as well. Don’t forget that you’re marrying a sinner today. You will sin against them and they will sin against you. You are not just a sufferer but you are also a sinner. You will destroy your marriage if you only think of yourself as being sinned against or as only being the victim.
You can’t keep score with each other. Rather, you must soak in the beauty and majesty of God’s Holy forgiveness for you. Then you will extend it to each other. You must remember that Jesus didn’t come for the righteous but the unrighteous. He came for sinners not saints. He came for the ungodly not the godly. Because of the glorious grace of the gospel, as you know more of the graciousness of grace you will learn to show grace towards each other. When one of you falls into sin, the other will learn to pick you up (because Christ has picked them up). Even when they sin against you like Jesus we seek to restore each other and reconcile with each other. Be quick to confess and even quicker to forgive.
The third lesson is this: When there is joy, share it with each other! There is a reason why we laugh more when others are laughing as well. We were made to share joy with each other. God made us as beings who would learn to enjoy what He enjoys. This also happens on a human level. Our joy increases when others experience it as well.
Marriage should be where this happens most. Marriage is not only to be a place where you raise kids, make decisions, and share finances – Marriage is where you should share joy!
Celebrate with each other when you hit milestones in life. Celebrate the other person whenever you see them growing in their relationship with Jesus. Celebrate promotions, children, awards, fantasy football wins (or just avoiding to be in last place). Have fun in your marriage!
Jesus is the One who ultimately calls us into His joy. He desires that we celebrate with Him (Matthew 25:21; John 17:24)! He is eager for us to be in heaven with Him. He has structured even time itself to serve the purpose of celebrating our heavenly marriage with Him. And if anyone is going to be able to throw a good party then Jesus will!
Your marriage should be an appetizer of this. Your marriage is meant to be a beacon of hope in today’s joyless world. Thank you for letting us experience this joy with you today! Let it be a day you always look back on. But also let it be a day that makes you more excited for heaven! There is where we will ultimately know that “two is better than one”.