Some Wise Advice On Dating & Marriage
How 3,000 year old wisdom is more relevant today than most modern ideas
“As long as they’re good-looking we can make it work.”
You would be surprised (or maybe not) at how many times I have heard something like this from college or high school students. They may not say it as explicitly as this all the time but for many young people in the dating culture they will most certainly prioritize outward beauty over wisdom.
We see life the way one child answered a science test question:
A woman was once grading a science test at home that she had given to her elementary-school class and was reading some of the results to her husband. The subject was “The Human Body,” and the first question was: “Name one of the major functions of the skin.” One child wrote: “To keep people who look at you from throwing up.”
We feel like as long as there is outer beauty then we can overlook or neglect the inner beauty. But, sometimes people can have beautiful skin that just covers up their ugly sin.
Give Me The Old, Old Wisdom
This is why we desperately need the wisdom of the following proverb:
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout
is a beautiful woman without discretion.Proverbs 11:22
What in the world does this mean? How could this be relevant for today’s world?
Pigs and mud go together as much as peanut butter as jelly does in our minds. As foolish as it would be to bring priceless jewels into a mud hole so it would be equally foolish to cherish outer beauty more than inner beauty. One commentator desscribes this woman as “a beautiful woman who lacks discretion and implicitly immerses her beauty that adorns her in evil.”1
Not only are pigs seen as dirty but they were also considered “unclean” in Jewish culture (Lev. 11:7). Coming in contact with something unclean made someone unable to enter the Temple to worship God. It cut one off from experiencing the blessings of God.
In other words, we can be beautiful on the outside but if we aren’t united to Christ “on the inside” then we will never be able to enter God’s presence. God isn’t charmed by our beauty.
A gold ring “symbolized wealth (cf. Gen. 24:22, 30, 47; Judg. 8:24; Job 42:11) and functioned to enhance a person’s attractiveness (Isa. 3:21; Ezek. 16:12; Hos. 2:13 [15]).”2 Yet, if one takes such wealth and despises it then it is not worth much at all. This is the case with beauty.
To take beauty and despise it by embracing foolishness that results in ungodly living is like putting expensive jewelry on a pig who will only devalue it.
What Implications Does This Provide?
Beauty is amazing but outward beauty fades away. Inward beauty is what should always be increasing in the believer.
Beautiful people get married all the time and they also divorce all the time. What is it that keeps them faithful to each other? Character. What is it that makes them unfaithful? Lack of character. Therefore, character (inward beauty) always trumps outward beauty.
Even the devil can clothe himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14) but inwardly he is the demon of darkness. This is his tactic and how he often gets us to fall prey to his temptations.
Don’t despise beauty but don’t hold beauty as the number one criteria for finding a spouse. Kim Kardashian has been considered one of the more beautiful and sought after people in the last 20 years. She has a net worth of $1.2 billion. She has over 360 million followers on Instagram. She has been married three times and divorced three times. Also, she is only 42 years old. Beauty is running out yet the baggage is only increasing.
Don’t be swayed just because someone is beautiful and has a good personality. Beauty and personality can always change for the negative.
Anyone can dress up and make you laugh on a first date. Marriage will teach you what it’s like to smell someone’s bad breath and their body odor in the morning.
If beauty were worth everything then Jesus was not much of a Savior. He was not outwardly good looking. Matter of fact, His outward appearance actually made men and women overlook Him (Isaiah 53:2). Yet, He was the King of the Universe walking among them. He is actually the One who had veiled His infinite glory that we won’t see until the Last Day or when we get to Heaven.
If you really want to play the “beauty game” then somebody else always has next. As we get older, younger people grow up to become more beautiful than us. Like in sports or music, somebody else will come after us who is more talented. If beauty is your greatest draw to someone then you will probably fall prey to much sexual temptation.
If beauty is everything then imagine the pressure you’ll put on your spouse for them to keep up their good looks. What happens if they have a major injury? What happens if they run into a long streak of debilitating illness? What about the seasons of life when you won’t always have the time to have the best workouts because you actually need to go home so that you can be a good husband/father or wife/mother?
If you marry someone just because they’re beautiful, rich, and have a good personality then don’t be surprised if you find yourself arguing a lot in your marriage in the future. After a while, a marriage that has much arguing and fighting takes off the mask of beauty.
The marriage vows that we take before God on our wedding day don’t say:
I, [insert your name], take you [insert their name]; To be my wedded wife; To have and to hold, From this day forward; For better or for worse, For richer or for poorer, In sickness and in health, To love and to cherish, Till death do us part; Or until you lose your beauty; According to God’s holy ordinance. This is my solemn vow.
Marriage is far more practical than you realize. Making decisions, raising kids, keeping up with finances, planning vacations, creating a fun home, continually getting to know each other, and interpreting the news so that you can know how to live in the world. Nothing about that takes outward beauty to accomplish.
It is easy to love people when they’re beautiful. But, if we’re honest, we are dying to know if people would love us even if we weren’t beautiful.
Two beautiful Christians can get married and have beautiful kids, great jobs, and a big home. Yet, they can be more miserable than ever (no matter what their social media pages say). If they aren’t striving first and foremost to possess God’s wisdom then don’t be surprised when this happens.
Two “not-so-beautiful” Christians can get married, struggle to have kids, have not so great of jobs, and live in a duplex apartment with another family. Yet, it can be the happiest home in the world where they are pursuing righteousness, wisdom, truth, and love.
Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 1–15, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2004), 503.
Ibid, 503-504.